A Few Facts About Codependency

Ideas From Melody Beatties’s Codependency Now

Caring about people you love, feeling victimized when you’re betrayed, giving your all to people you love, or wanting to control people because you’re watching them destroy themselves and hurt you doesn’t mean you’re sick. These are natural reactions. Codependency is about normal behaviors taken too far. It’s about crossing lines.

When it comes to Codependency, some people are confused. They may associate codependency with rabbit-boiling Fatal Attraction behavior. Or they confuse codependency with psychosis, borderline personality, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Some people think codependency doesn’t have anything to do with them because nobody in their family drinks or they’re not being abused. Self-Healing from the habitual behaviors of codependency isn’t about pointing fingers; it’s about taking responsibility for ourselves and changing irrational beliefs and habitual behaviors.

There’s a difference between loving someone and being trapped in a miserable marriage. There’s a difference between giving to get someone to like us, which leaves us resentful, and giving from heartfelt generosity. There’s a difference between enabling someone to drink and nurturing people we love. There’s a difference between narcissism and self-love, and between self-centeredness and staying centered in ourselves.

While alcoholism in the family can help create codependency, it isn’t essential. There is a lot of confusion about what codependency is. Is it a disease? A problem? The behaviors associated with codependency make perfect sense if we look closely enough. It’s understandable that we would confuse control with love when control is all we’ve know. It makes sense that we think controlling will keep us safe because it did – for a while. All codependent behaviors make sense if traced to their origins.